My Greatest Fear(s)

Ronald McDonald – how I see him anyway.

Without shame, I admit I will use writing prompts when I feel the well of creativity is a bit dry. I love the phrase “well of creativity” so awesomely pretentious. I’m not sure I possess a well of creativity, but whatever…Back to my dry well….of creativity! I try to write something – ANYTHING every day. So, today’s random prompt was:

You are locked in a room with your greatest fear, describe it.

If only I had just 1 greatest fear, but alas, I’ve got a few. Here are my most prominent ones.

I am pushed into a pitch-black room (I’d never walk in there without a push. Fear #1 the dark). I hear shallow breathing, I smell grease paint and Big Macs. A candle is lit and standing in the middle of the room is my biggest fear of them all – Clowns, namely Ronald McDonald (Fear #2 Clowns).

Side story alert: When I was a kid we went to McDonald’s and lurking around, grabbing kids to shove in buns and eat was this horrible beast called, Ronald McDonald…. ok, he was supposedly just walking around hugging kids and taking pictures (Suuure!) Anyway, he snuck up behind me for a taste… ok! OK! Hug! He clutched me in his arms like a starving octopus, I shrieked from the deepest part of my soul and then I peed on him and myself. For a brief moment, I saw, even if no one else did, his “cheerful” disposition drop – I saw his true intentions clearly displayed in his soulless eyes, which led me to forever believe McDonald’s hamburger meat is made from pee stained children. I will NOT go there, you do what you want.

Back to my pitch-black room with Ronald McDonald glaring at me from the light of a candle. What he does next is my 3rd greatest fear… he starts touching his fucking eyeballs! Yes, eyeballs, touching them, is Fear #3. It makes me dry heave to see someone touch their eyeball. If you’ve got an eyelash in your eye, do NOT come to me for any form of help unless you believe my vomit will help the situation.

Ok, I need to get out of this pitch-black, eyeball touching clown room…NOW.

So, there ya have it. This is me.