Finding Me

FlashNano Day 24: Write a story where something is found

10429223_10153248281637577_1181742173858451131_n

My Colorado writing spot

“Fuck it,” I slammed my laptop shut. “I can’t write here, it’s over. This place has drained my soul.”

Dramatic? Yes, but it felt true. It still feels true in a lot of ways.

A couple of months ago things were so different. The writing just came, almost easy… well as easy as writing can come for a person. Which in truth isn’t easy at all. But, sitting in my cabin up in the mountains of Colorado the words came. The surroundings filled my soul up to the brim and the words came out. Maybe just describing a wildflower I’d never seen before or perhaps describing a walk in the woods.

The words came. I love the sights, sounds and smells of Colorado so much. I’ve called it my soulmate and it is. It’s the only place I’ve ever felt at peace.

And then I had to leave. Life had other plans for my husband and me. Doesn’t it always? And back to Los Angeles we went. Colorado was my dream, but not my husbands. He would have stayed for me, but I left for him. I’ll always choose him.

“I won’t be able to write there. I won’t be happy there. I don’t want to BE there.” All self-fulfilling prophecies as each and every one of these things came true back in California.

How do you experience a happiness you’ve never known, a happiness that exceeded your dreams of it and then give it up? When I was happy, I used to wax poetic about “choosing happiness”. The funny thing is, it’s easy to choose it when you already feel it. But now, when my sanity, if not my life, depends on “choosing happiness” I’m struggling.

Then something came across my Facebook feed. A challenge to write 30 stories in 30 days. I figured if that doesn’t give me a kick in the pants to write, nothing would.

So, I took the plunge. It was hard at first and than it got a bit easier. I’ve found my voice again. It was always there. I didn’t leave it in Colorado. My writing will never bring me fame or fortune, but it brings me something more valuable – inner peace. The kind you carry around with you, wherever you go.

I may not be able to “choose happiness” right now, but I can choose to do things that make me happy. Writing makes me happy. Writing gives my voice wings.

I’ve found my voice and I won’t let any ‘place’ take it away.

*Thank you, Nancy Stohlman, you and this challenge helped me find my voice again. I may end up being OK afterall.

Advertisements

About Jody

This blog, like this girl is an ever-changing work in progress. The second I think I know myself I go and change. I write - some good, some bad. But, I write... I am a writer.
This entry was posted in about writing, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Finding Me

  1. Perk says:

    Sorry U had to leave Colorado Jody, but remember nothing is forever…U may be able to return someday. I don’t agree that your writing will never being U fame and fortune, don’t underestimate your self u are good enough to make it as a writer, U will just have to find the right venue. Lots of love Perk AKA SSD

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Steven Baird says:

    I hope you do find happiness there, and that your voice roars back. I know it’s a difficult transition. I left Canada to be here in Virginia with my wife. It was a conscious choice, and it’s very different here, but I think I’ve made the adjustment. Still, homesickness can be fierce at times, even now. But I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jody says:

      Thank you, oddly enough California is my home (born & raised) but Colorado is my Home. It feels like a horrible break up being away, but it has to get easier, I hope. Glad you are where you’re supposed to be.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Anonymous says:

    I’m happy to hear you are finding “you” again.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Paula Harmon says:

    I hope you’re learning to find your place in your new world now. The upheaval of moving is bad enough when you’re not leaving your dreams and your muse behind. I know, because it happened to me too. In the end though, you can come out stronger, and you’ll find the muse came along for the ride and is just waiting for you to notice her.

    Like

Comments welcome, unless they'll make me cry.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s