It Happened One Christmas

Nothing is, what it seems to be here.

This picture is a fraud and that blonde moppet (who looks strangely enough like Carol Brady) clutching her prized Winnie the Pooh is a Bad Seed.

Bad Seed: (noun) a person who is seen as being congenitally disposed to wrongdoing and likely to be a bad influence on others.

She is me and I am her.

You ask, “What crime did this seemingly innocent child commit?” Let’s just say this was not the first time she held that particular Winnie the Pooh in her arms.

But, let’s go back a couple of weeks before this duplicious photo was taken.

I came home afterschool, like I did everyday, but this particular day nobody was home. So, I did what any child would do when finding themselves unsupervised, I went through my parents’ shit. I peeked in drawers…BORING! Searched the kitchen cupboards for hidden treats…NOTHING! I knew my time was running out, so I went to the place I was SURE had something I could get into – their closet! I slid open the door and, “Hey! What are all these bags doing crammed in the back?” I opened the first bag O……M…….G! CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!!!!

Yes, I found a mountain of unwrapped Christmas presents! Has a sneek ever been rewarded so mightily? I THINK NOT! I looked at &  played with each gift, all the while scoping out which gift belonged to which of us 3 kids! I globbed allover every single one of them! As I went through every gift, I clutched MY Winnie the Pooh tightly in my arms. I knew somebody would be coming home soon, so I put everything back how it was, gave my Winnie the Pooh one last hug, whispered, “See ya soon!” And left the closet, never to tell a soul I had seen the Christmas Loot.

So, back to this picture… this sleepy faced kid, sitting amongst her Christmas haul, clutching her Winnie the Pooh as if it were the first time she’d seen these glorious gifts is a phony, a Bad Seed. That seemingly sweet smile on this cherubs face is not one of a thankful child – THAT smile is there because this cherub got away with some serious shit and nobody was the wiser… until now.

It feels good to unburden myself from this heinous crime I committed so many years ago.

The truth shall set you free.

*Pay absolutely no attention to the orange velvet chair lurking behind me in this picture.