Beautiful Bitches

RHINESTONE_SASH2

The stage was lit with a flattering soft light, best to enhance their inarguable outer beauty. Unfortunately, no amount of soft lighting can disguise inner ugliness.

“There is no way that bitch from Colorado’s hair is real,” Miss Iowa commented under her breath.

“She claims it’s natural,” Miss Montana whispered back.

“Psshaw, my shaved ass it’s real,” Snarked Miss New York.

“Wait, you shave your ass,” Miss Missouri exclaimed.

“Of course, you country bumpkin,” Miss New York replied in that snooty way of hers.

“Well, I like her. She shared her lunch with me yesterday,” sugar sweet Miss Texas stated in her lilting drawl.

“She just wanted you to get fat… fatter. Not to be mean or anything (totally meaning to be mean), but your legs are kinda thick,” Miss New York sneered.

“My legs aren’t thick! They’re strong, I’m a runner!”

“Yo, New Yawk, with a nose that size, I’d hardly be calling anyone fat,” Miss New Jersey barked.

“Ladies-” The pageant organizer cried “we’re back from commercial in two minutes. Now quiet!”

All the girls took their spots, stood tall and plastered on their big pageant smiles.

The music began to swell as the pageant host took his place at center stage.

“Now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for…. first runner-up…. The lovely Corgi from Texas!”

Miss Texas scampered to the front and leaned down to accept the satin sash around her neck. All the other girls barked their approval. Miss New York, the snobby standard poodle with the shaved bottom, just made a “harrumph” sound and rolled her eyes.

“And the winner is… the gorgeous English Cream, long-haired dachshund from Colorado!”

As the blonde beauty accepted her sash, Miss New York could not take it another moment and did the unspeakable right on the stage. Miss New Jersey immediately rushed over to have a smell. Miss Iowa, not to be outdone, squatted and well… she’d been holding it quite a while. Miss Missouri got so nervous she heaved up the Milk Bone she’d been secretly snacking on. Everything went to the dogs from there.

Beauty… ain’t it a bitch.

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About Jody

Jody is a writer living in Los Angeles. She’s best described as a work in progress - aren’t we all?
This entry was posted in Humor, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Beautiful Bitches

  1. Steven Baird says:

    This is hilarious. Had me good laugh! You had me fooled to the end. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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