Lost: One Directionally Challenged Muse

“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.” 

~ Lili St. Crow

I always have stuff to say! I’m a chatterbox! Just about everything in my life can be contorted and twisted into a funny story. It’s what I do – I laugh at the absurdities of life. One could say, it’s my thing. But, my “thing” dried up! My thing dried up… that is a wonderful, funny double entendre. Even funnier is auto correct wants to change ‘entendre’ to ‘Enter Dre’. I wish Dre would enter about now, he’s always got words. But, alas, no Dre, just a dried up “thing”.

Now for the sad part, I’ve been at a loss for words since one of my best friends passed away unexpectedly in December. My words just sort of went with him. But, I know my friend is trying to push them back. I know it wasn’t his intention to take my ‘muse’ with him, but she, like me, has a horrible sense of direction. When we were saying goodbye to him, she wandered off with him. I’m not mad at her, much. I get lost all the time. Seriously, every time I get in my car I get some weird kind of amnesia.

Nothing looks familiar! “Where did that mountain come from?! Where am I?!” This literally happens within a block of my starting point. All the time!

OH! here’s a funny story! Pardon my segue…

When I first moved to my new town (new state, too I might add) 2 years ago, I applied for a job and immediately got an interview. So far, so good. It was at a dentist’s office. The ad said, “No experience necessary – will train the right person.”

No experience! Right person! THAT’S ME in a nutshell!

So, I show up (I Google mapped the directions and pre-drove the route 3 times so I wouldn’t get lost!) I didn’t get lost. Yay me!

I meet the nice receptionist and we hit it off right away. I said something funny and she loudly snort-laughed… I loved her. If you have a stupid laugh, I will love you instantly.

She took me in the back office (a winding maze of twists and hairpin turns! It was!!) She whispered, “good luck” and I walked into the labrynth of the doctor. When I sat down I noticed his office had 3 doors…I KNOW! Who needs an office with 3 doors, where do they all go?! The doors distracted me throughout the interview.

Anyway, the interview went ok. But, truth be told, the dentist didn’t seem to like me on sight. Shocking, I know, I’m sorta likable. Anyway, the interview was over and the dentist stood up, thanked me for coming and shook my hand. I don’t like shaking hands, I don’t trust where your hands have been. Sorry.

Well, between the germ-y handshake and the 3 doors, stuff got jumbled in my head. “What door did I come in?!” I silently screamed to myself.

The dentist just looked at me. I’m sure he was saying in his head, “uhh, leaving would be good about now.”

I just stood there looking at his damn 3 doors. I may have stood there a week… it felt like a week. Then I mentally pried myself into action. I lurched at the door behind his desk (BEHIND HIS DESK! It felt right at the time!) With my back sorta turned to the door, looking awkwardly at the dentist, I opened it! He stared at me.

I tried to be casual, “Bye, thank you.” I said. I was getting my shit together! I turned towards the door – It was his closet. His CLOSET!

He said, “Wrong door.” I replied, “Indeed.” I looked at the other two doors… one, than the other. Then I looked at him. He said, “Really?” I sighed, “Yep.” I think he muttered “Jesus.” as he opened the correct door for me.

The receptionist, who I loved, was waiting to guide me out. She asked how it went and I said, “I got lost in his office, walked into his closet and I think he’s afraid of me… pretty good!” She snort laughed. I never saw her again*. I miss that laugh.

So, the point of this story is – I get how my muse could get lost.  Wander off absent-mindedly with my dear friend. But, I needed her to come back. I scoured articles and posts about luring her back. None of those tips worked.

This morning I checked my email and I received a “Quote of the Day” it simply said, “Writer’s write.” Sounds easy enough. Directions even I can follow. So, I just started writing. And guess who showed up? Yep, my sweet little muse. She’s a bit tired and her wording is choppy and bloated, but she’s here… for now. For this moment, she let me have some words. It feels good.

Writer’s write. Advice, like directions, should be simple. 

*No big shocker here, but I didn’t get the job. Two days later, I got the perfect job for me… right next door to the dentist’s office (I never see snort laugh girl). I giggle every time I look at the dentist’s building. It was for the best. Like handshaking, gross teeth kinda freak me out, too.