This morning at 4am, sitting in the dark, contemplating blogging ideas, I came up with a great idea. Now a great idea at 4am with not enough coffee or sleep, probably looks a bit different from a great idea at a reasonable hour, with sufficient coffee.
That being said here goes… Y’know how the world has a lot of problems and stuff? Well, I have decided to solve them! I know right?! I mean, nobody else is solving them, so why not me?
So, first thing I did was ask Google: What Are The 5 Biggest Problems Facing The World? I will now list them and solve them.
So without further delay:
Problem #1 — Humanities Lack of Understanding. I didn’t understand this one. Let’s move on.
Problem #2 — Climate Change. Here’s how I see it; half the people believe it’s a problem and the other half don’t. I’m using half as a general rule, because I don’t feel like looking up percentages and shit. Anyway, we all live on this planet, it’s a good planet (better than Uranus! I can’t let the opportunity of a Uranus joke slip by – sorry). So, just don’t do stuff that even might fuck with her. Respect the earth, recycle, do no harm and don’t be a dick. Problem solved!
Problem #3 — Poor Education. The first, and most obvious answer is, spend less time on math. Better yet, just get rid of math entirely. Secondly, pay teachers a bazillion dollars. Teachers have to teach dumbass kids to not be dumbasses. Sure, some parents do this, but a lot don’t! They leave it to underpaid, overworked, stressed out teachers. Pay teachers more and they’ll be more motivated to turn your drooling monkeys into educated, benefitting society monkeys. If you say, “Hey Problem Solver Jody! Where will we get the money to pay teachers more?” My answer, simple, how about we pay pro-athletes and entertainers a tiny bit less and funnel that money to schools and teachers. I LOVE sports and entertainment, but I also love educated, not stupid people. Here’s the thing, if you catch stupidity early, it’s treatable. Problem solved!
Problem #4 — Global Economy Deficit. This one bored me and felt super math-y, so I’m going to just glaze over it a bit. Sell shit to countries who have shit we want and buy their shit. Don’t buy or sell shit to dicks. I realize this is a slight cop out, but seriously this one was super boring. If teachers were paid more, I’d be smarter and more interested in shit that bores me.
Problem #5 — Extremist Religion. This was the easiest to solve, don’t be extreme. Extremism in anything is annoying. Have you ever met a person who has taken something to the extreme who isn’t an annoying pain in the ass? Yeah, me neither. So, practice or don’t practice your religion in moderation. Pray or don’t pray. Believe or don’t believe. Do what feels right for you, but don’t push it on others. And lastly, wait for it… DON’T BE A DICK.
Well, there you have it! I have solved the World’s 5 Biggest problems. Because I’m so good at this, it may become a series “Jody Solves Everything!”
I fully realize I reverted to “Don’t Be A Dick” alot, but I have found in my life when a problem arises if I attack it without dickitude, solving it is much easier. Being a dick clouds your mind of answers. Try it!
Now that the world’s biggest problems have been solved, why don’t you just relax and enjoy your Sunday. Peace out, leave the problem solving to me!