The Time I Was Catholic


Not me.

I was an odd kid… at around 12ish I decided I wanted to be Catholic, for a Jewish-Protestant kid that was a big leap. There were a few things about Catholicism that really appealed to me; school uniforms, crossing oneself and this super cute kid named, Mike, who went to the nearby Catholic School.

My parents wouldn’t let me transfer to the Catholic school, nor would they buy me the Catholic Schoolgirl outfits (Now I’ve got plenty, thank you very much!) Basically, they didn’t really support my quest to convert. But, I could easily take up crossing myself and I did. Whenever I’d pass the Catholic Church, I’d cross myself reverently…albeit probably wrong. But, I was a dutiful Catholic-Jewish-Protestant girl.

Now that I had the crossing myself down, I moved onto getting Mike to notice me and our shared religion was a good place to start. Everyday I walked by his house on the way home from school. One day as I was passing by, at a snails pace, he came outside. The angels wept! This kid was cute!

He said, “Hi!” I said, “Hi!” Then I crossed myself. He said, “You’re Catholic?” I exclaimed, “I wish!” and he walked right up and KISSED ME! All of my hard work at becoming Catholic had paid off! Being Catholic was everything I knew it would be!

Mike and I became quite the item for a few weeks, until I spotted a cute boy with a tiny overbite. I gave up Catholicism and Mike and got to work on getting a tiny overbite of my own. Every night as I lay in bed waiting for sleep, I’d push my tongue against the back of my annoyingly straight teeth…come on teeth – MOVE… I’ve got a boy to catch!

I don’t know why I felt the need to become the things I wanted, but y’know do what works and becoming Catholic worked sooo….


About Jody

Jody is a writer living in Los Angeles. She’s best described as a work in progress - aren’t we all?
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